Redskins Gift Washington a Holiday Donut; Eagles over Skins 24-0

I should have known from the somber tone of the text messages that came flooding in after my flight landed that this game hadn’t gone well. I watched the gametape stone-faced; no emotions. You can’t hurt me now, Dan Snyder, because I’m already dead inside. After all, I was the guy heading into this game who was perfectly happy sitting anyone with a chance of coming back next year and using week 17 as a glorified depth tryout. To some degree, it was a tryout, and I hope no one gets a call-back.

Boy, this game was a rotten cherry on top of a spoiled-milk sundae season. You’re probably thinking that I’m being too negative. That I’m not a “real fan” ™. But spare me your empty platitudes about “playing to win no matter what”…If you wanted to cheer this team on to a meaningless victory, I understand, but I’m in favor of the loss here because the loss is reality, and a reality-check is what this administration needs. I’m sick of Jay Gruden’s inept version of the west coast offense. Sick of this dink and dunk junk. Sick of middling records. Sick of hiring and firing front office folks (Lafemina) less than a year after team ownership showers them with glowing endorsements. I’m sick of *injuries and *”not Jay’s preferred QB” and *”the team was 6-3 at one point!” Sick of the asterisks, sick of .500 and below. Sick, sick, sick. There was a time I cared for shows of strength at the end of a lost season. Now? Not so much. You earned those empty seats, Redskins.

This game was (predictably) a veritable “who’s-who” of “what-the-f***”. Josh Johnson’s QB rating of 37 was basically equal to Washington’s entire passing output. That only one of his poorly-thrown balls was intercepted is a holiday miracle. Adrian Peterson carried 4 times for a whopping 0 yards. The offensive line got manhandled. The team converted 0 times on 3rd down. In the first quarter, the team managed 2 offensive yards. In the 3rd quarter, the team ran a grand total of 3 offensive plays. If it weren’t for “garbage time”, Washington would have finished with 47 total offensive yards on the night. The kids would call that epically bad.

The offense had the ball for 16 minutes in this game. The Eagles had it for 44. Washington’s drive summary reads: interception, punt, punt, punt, punt, punt, turnover on downs, turnover on downs. That tells the whole story. At least we were consistent.

I want to call the defense swiss cheese in this game, but honestly I love swiss cheese and I would never denigrate it like that. Jon Allen kicking the ball away from Philadelphia kicker Jake Elliot during pregame warmups was one of our best defensive plays on the night (there was an interception too, during the game, but who cares?).

Look, I’ve tried to see the bright side defensively since week 1, so I’m going to finish out the season on that trend: it didn’t matter how the defense played last night, folks, because one Philadelphia field goal would have won the game. It was out of Manusky and co.’s hands from the start. We’ve asked them to do it all this season, because even when Alex Smith was giving us flickers of hope the team still couldn’t sustain a drive.

I do like the defense, and I actually don’t care that the team released arguably their best defensive player in DJ Swearinger prior to this game. A) He’d become toxic in the locker room, and B) the fact that he often found himself as Washington’s leading tackler actually speaks to bigger problems on the defense. At least on that side of the ball, the diagnosis is pretty clear: the unit is decent up front, awful at the second level, and average-at-best in the backfield. We need linebackers desperately and solid pass-defenders at a reasonable price behind them. The offense, on the other hand, needs help everywhere.

A little more on defense, since the final numbers are now in: the team averaged 22 points a game this year. That’s 3 points off from a top 5 ranking. Considering just how much they’re on the field, I’m not really down on them for coming in middle-of-the-pack for total yards, total points, rushing yards, and passing yards this season…if anything, I think it’s sort of a positive. For most of the season, it felt like they got roughly 30 seconds to breathe before trotting out to the field again. That holds true for this game, and it’s actually nice the score was only 24 points — still a relatively winnable total for a team with at least a halfway decent offense. Obviously Josh Johnson and this hospital ward of an offense aren’t halfway decent, not even close.

I’ll be writing a season in review article next, so if you’re a glutton for punishment stick around. Steve, I’m sure, has all kinds of depressing statistical analysis coming up to keep you cold and uncomfortable for the playoffs. Two of our bitter divisional rivals will be playing in the first round. I’ll be right there with you.

Author’s note: My girlfriend suggests the skins do naked laps around FedEx in the cold. Should I question her motives here?