One Line Reactions: These are some terrible name ideas
April 15, 2021
by Alex Zeese
On Wednesday the WFT started asking season ticketholders their thoughts on a bunch of team names. Since I am not a season ticket holder, I did not get an email, but I figured I would write my quick reactions to the names fans are saying on social media that the team’s asking about.
Let me start with the name that we already have that is not a name:
Football Team: This is already what we are called and I think this exercise they are doing is pointing to them keeping this.
This group is just the “WFT” with a new twist. I think some of them would be a decent upgrade from what we got, but not by much:
First City Football Club (FCFC): First city? We aren’t. Federal City could have worked, I may even like that a little.
Capital City Football Club: Better than 1st City but not as good as Federal City.
DC Football Club: I like “DC” in a name more than “Washington” but, still it’s not unique enough.
These were the terrible names. Anyone who suggested this should be exiled and shunned from WFT fandom and maybe we should consider shooting them into space. Some of these are so bad that if the team took these nicknames on I’d talk to Steve and Jamual about shutting down this site:
Archers: I guess the idea would be to re-do the spear helmet a little? Putting my own love of archery aside, I don’t think it would work.
Aces: Are we moving the team to Atlantic City?
Belters: WTF is a belter? (insert shot about AP)
Monarchs, Royals: We fought a war about this, in 1776. If we go Monarchs I demand we fans all dress like we are in the Venture Brothers. That could make it worthwhile.
Washington 32 FC: You can’t put a number in your name, we already have one of them in the NFL and one is enough.
Beacons: It is just a stupid name. Nothing to add.
Riders: Because this town is known for horses? Seriously, there are already two-horse teams.
Aviators/Pilots: Just no ties to the area other than the fact that we have a bunch of airports . . . ?
Wayfarers: I just got a new carpet off wayfair.com. It’s nice.
Rubies: Name it after the guy who killed the guy who killed President Kennedy. This name only ends in a “studded” uniform of some kind by Nike.
Demon Cats: What is this even mean? I am gonna guess this was suggested by one of those weird dog people.
Rising: This is so minor league, and I don’t even mean a decent minor league, I’m talking “semi-pro paid with a 6 pack” type of league.
Swifts: Name it after Thomas Swift the great political satirist! We can “eat babies” in the stands. Fun.
Armada, Anchors: Again, why? DC was planned to be a port city in the 1800s but in the 21st century, not so much.
Griffins: if we hadn’t ever signed RGIII this would not be so bad.
These names will have obvious trademark issues, but if it’s not obvious to you, let me explain:
Razorback: Should be obvious, NCAA football team in the SEC? Didn’t the Cowboys owner play for them?
Brigade: This was the rival team for the Washington Valor of the AFL.
Defenders: Unless you were living under the Rock you know the XFL plans to come back in 2022 so that name is probably still theirs.
Guardians: Same league, XFL, but the New York Team.
Renegades: Also XFL but this time the Dallas team. And DC? Renegades? Have you never been to DC? A renegade in DC looks like Ralph Nader, and he’s more of a hoops guy.
Commanders: There was this league in 2019 called the Alliance of American Football. This was their team in San Antonio. Good name though.
Let’s get real – if they move away from the nameless team, these are the names they are really going to end up on. The safe, generic, somewhat predictable names will probably end up being the final list:
Presidents, Ambassadors, Majors, Warriors: Sure, I get it. We are DC. These are also military themes.
Redtails, Redhogs, Red Wolves, Wild Hogs: These have a bit of an outside shot are some that we fans have kept going back to for the last few years because we want “red” in the name.